Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. That can explain any day without Jesus by my side. I have been experiencing life without my husband as of late due to a heavy travel schedule on his part, and I must say it is for the birds. When the kids were younger it was very had doing to the mom thing alone. But now that the kids are more self-sufficient, it's not "harder" physically, it's harder spiritually. That is a very difficult aspect to wrap my head around.
I realized yesterday how unbelievably disgusting my own flesh can be. I have no one to encourage me to get up in the morning to spend time with the Lord. I have too much time alone with myself and what happens when you're alone? You do things you think no one can see. The reality is, God sees. He sees every last part. I'm currently making another poor decision by writing this because at this moment, I'm supposed to be at the gym getting some exercise for this disgusting shell of a body my spirit lives in.
Over and over, I choose the very things I don't want for myself. Satan has real strength here and I'm tired of it. It's time for a real change. But how does that change really become the new normal? How can we truly turn from the old and put on the new? When Satan knows our every weakness, he doesn't have to work very hard to drag us back into the pit. Lord, teach me to fight evil. Lord help me to hide your word in my heart so I am equipped for battle. Every day I feel as if I'm on the battlefield, and gosh I am tired. I really am tired.
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